Bob (elder) and Damien are brothers that, since young, have never seen eye to eye on anything. Bob believes that their mum dotes on his younger brother (Damien) more. Bob goes to their grandmother to express his unhappiness and is thus more doted on by his grandmother. Also, because he is her eldest grandson. Damien had never been wary of Bob’s refuge to their grandmother since young. However, just recently, Damien learnt from grandmother about the accusations directed at him by Bob. This made Damien very angry but refused to clarify the issue with grandmother due to her age. Damien also avoids confronting Bob as accusations included their mother. As a result, Bob and Damien never talked there after.
Three years ago, grandmother had bought Bob a car after he got his license. Buying of this car, was much objected by mum as she didn’t want grandmother to spend the money. Nevertheless, Bob still obtained the car to much disapproval from mum and dad. Being younger, Damien got his license three years later and was eagerly wanting to drive the car. Bob was very reluctant as he felt that Damien had not supported him when he was trying to get the car. After Damien drove the car a few times and matters deteriorated, Bob showed his unhappiness. Being the obstinate and brash, Damien vowed not to drive the car again after a few arguments and this further worsened the situation.
During this year’s Chinese New Year, Bob who is already working offered Damien a red packet. Since it was for good luck, Damien accepted it unwillingly. Damien, as stubborn as a mule, thought that he would return the red packet after the first day of the lunar new year. This made mum and dad very upset
What do you think their parents should do to resolve this long term disagreement which has been brewing in Damien?
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Family drama!
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't think that it is their parents who should resolve this long term disagreement since this disagreement is between the brothers. They are grown men now, and having their parents make them sit and talk, or chide them about what they have been doing wrong may further aggreviate the issue. Since Bob has always felt that his mother was practicing favouritism, the intervention by their parents might be deemed skewed against him as well.
Bob and Damien should have a really good talk with each other. Trash everything out once and for all without parents or grandparents to interfere. If they can come to a peaceful truce, Bob should then proceed to talk to his mother, after all, his discontentment did stem from her.
If they cannot find peace, I believe they should try and try again. After all, blood is thicker than water.
This is a very complex situation. Almost all the family members are involved. Before any conflict resolution could take place, I think it is necessary that both Bob and Damien realise that both of them are at fault. Self-realization is after all the first step towards self-improvement. Since both of them are adults, I think that they should make an effort to understand the other person's viewpoints first and thereafter make commitments to try improving their relationship.
ReplyDeleteMum and Dad could team up with Grandmother to organize more family gatherings where the whole family could interact and bond. The three elders could also talk to both of them together and request that they resolve their differences. Play the 'I may not live that long' card maybe?
Just a side note, I felt that a few sentences in your post could be clearer. For example, I didn't really understand this sentence:
After Damien drove the car a few times and matters deteriorated, Bob showed his unhappiness
Maybe you could explain what sort of matters deteriorated and how this is a result of Damien driving the car? Just a suggestion.
Cheers
Duane
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ReplyDeleteThis is a very compelling conflict situation, Elvin. Sibling rivalry can be an area of great conflicts. Thank you for sharing this with us.
ReplyDeleteI'll leave the more solution-oriented feedback to your classmates since that's part of the task.
I should add, however, that there are a few obvious language problems in this post. Maybe you can see me after class one day to ask about that.
Thank you for your hard work!
This is a difficult problem. I do not think there would be any easy solution. I think the parents should try to talk to both of them about the importance of brotherhood. They should let their sons know that sooner or later they would pass away leaving the brothers only each other. Blood is and will always be thicker than water. They should each make some compromises and forget about the past. Perhaps the parents can make the brothers spend quality time together. Playing board games as a family would be good. Watching movies like 'brotherhood' (I hope I didn't recall the title wrongly. It is supposed to be about these korean brothers who were in the army together but somehow ended up in opposing troops.). Hope things will get better some way or another!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes (: